The Preposterous and Unchallenged Debating on whether the Illustrious Futbol Administration is superior to the Antidisestablishmentarianismationalisticization and unbelievably un-edified, incongruous, and to the utmost egregious monstrosity of a nincompooptal mortal sport to ever draw such an awful popularity: Football

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Joshua Aguilar

More stories from Joshua Aguilar

Magic: The Gathering
March 27, 2017

What do you think is better: Association Futbol or American Football?

Please note, this argument is not based solely on facts, but a combination of insulting a dear friend and maybe a few choice facts to prove to him that this perspective is correct.

It has been a busy year for soccer. This last season we have seen top clubs like the undisputed champions FC Barcelona, Real Madrid, and FC Bayern become less immortal, with some of their top players retiring, transferring, and aging. Other clubs like Manchester United have become giants in the sport, with phenomenal teams, but have played poorly. Maybe we can examine other clubs which have done well this season. No matter what, in this very intellectual thesis, I will prove the supreme authority of a world-wide sport called soccer in comparison to a truly American sport named football.

First of all, a quick thank you to a certain reporter in my miserable group, who, by himself, has convinced me to write this argument about how foolish and unintellectual he and his sport are.

Now suppose you place a soccer player on a football team. The only similarity is in name: “futbol” and “football”. That is where similarities end. Let’s call him Bob. It’s quite obvious who would win. Most probably at the very beginning of the game our beloved Bob would be side-lined with an injury. In comparison, if we place Thomas, who is our football player, on a soccer field and considering his style of play, he would be sent from the game in the opening 15 minutes.

Football and soccer are not similar: where football requires ultimate strength and speed and a buff build, soccer can call for more finesse, more stylish moves, agility, manners and a quick eye. Hey, it’s quite obvious which sport is the more “gentlemanly sport” from the adjectives utilized above, and considering which sport has the least concussions, we can also deduce soccer has the smarter players; or at least which protect their heads better. According to www.concussiontreatment.com over 1.2 million concussions happen every year, with the most common being football, with a 75% chance of getting one. Parallel this with soccer which only has a 50% chance of getting a concussion. Fun fact: Did you know women are twice as likely to get concussions than men?

So which is better and deserves the worthy attention owed to it? If I may state my most humble opinion…football is where those with less skill try their luck at pushing and growling and shoving and screaming and being alpha male and puffing chests and fighting…and do I dare repeat: this is an American-made sport? In comparison we can hold up soccer to the spotlight, and see a friendly match between rivals, where a simple slide tackle may stop the game, get the offending player a warning, then continue on with the match. Any other offense would be dealt with the same way; this is not like football where the coach throws a temper tantrum, throws down a flag and stomps on the fake grass while his team goes into an all-out brawl.

If we examine the physical aspects of these two sports, we must admit they are fairly equal. In professional football and soccer, players lift weights, run, exercise profusely, have stamina conditions with endurance exercises, or work to improve their quickness and agility. As we see, both sports focus on some of the aspects listed above, and not so much on others. As a whole, I could not say which sport would win the physical aspect category, because I do not believe either could soundly defeat the other…

Going on to the gameplay and rules, officiating, and statistics, it is possible to see a slight difference in many aspects. While refereeing…must we even try to salvage their reputation? The bane of the game…the destroyer by just a pointer…nightmares caused by their glares…ok…moving on…For gameplay we can see football definitely being a more physical sport. Where pushing and ramming people is the point of football, soccer has guidelines on which to follow for physical contact. Going to the past: statistics are quite sketchy for soccer and football, as in the distant past they were played for fun, and rarely recorded, including statistical information on any players. No one could tell how good this player or team was compared to any other. Was he really a legend? More recently, as in the 1920’s and 1930’s, this data had been meticulously recorded.

How can 30 billion fans worldwide be wrong? And don’t even get me started on ice hockey…I rest my case.

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